Funny story

In a nursery 2 class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mum get pregnant?"
Teacher: How old is ur mother?'
Little girl: she is 40
Teacher: O yes she can get pregnant.
Little girl: Can my big sis get pregnant?
Teacher: How old is your big sis?
Little girl: She is 19
Teacher: Of course ya sister can certainly get pregnant
Little girl: So wat of me, can I get pregnant?
Teacher: How old are you, dear?
Little girl: I'm 5 years
Teacher: No, dear,u can't get pregnant
Den,d little boy behind d little girl gives her a poke&says, 'See, I told u we had nothing 2 worry about!

Donkey story.

Donkey story.
This is an old story but I can bet you have not heard this version.
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway. It just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer’s neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off.
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stones. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up. Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy.
1. Free your heart from hatred…..Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries---Most of them never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more
5. Expect less.

NOW…………………………………………

Enough of that crap.
The donkey later came back and bit the hell out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

Moral of the story…………………………
No matter what life throws at you, keep going. The best is yet to come, just keep going and please don’t bite anybody o…

Funny story

A young man had been cheating on his wife with his wife's best friend & colleague "Funke". One friday, he tells his wife he has 2 travel for three days on an official appointment. Unknown 2 his wife, he had already made special arrangements with Funke d wife's best friend. On gettin home d 3rd day, he meets only his kids & maid & was told mummy hasn't bn back since he left 4 his trip on friday. Flabbergasted n shocked he decides 2 wait 4 his wife n his wife then returns home in d evenin n dis ensues;
Husband: honey, where have u been 4 three days & how come u left d kids all alone with d maid?
Wife: Darling, hmmm, immediately after u left Funke called me 2 tell me she just lost her dad. I had rush off 2 her place & couldn't leave her immediately cos she was such in a terrible n emotional state.
Husband: which Funke is dat?
Wife: Funke now, my best friend n colleague @ work....
Husband: (Angrily he screams @ her) God punish u there, u dis h****t!
Wife: darling please believe me now why r u calling me a h****t?
Husband: nothing! But God go still punish u, idiot!

Funny story

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, do you know me?
To which she replies,” I think you are the father of one of my kids.”
Now his mind travels back to the time he has been unfaithful to his wife and says “My God, are you the person I had something to do with and I forgot to collect your number 5years ago or the lady I was too drunk to ask for her name when I was on a trip to Abuja 3years ago???
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, No. "I am your son’s school teacher"…

Funny Prayer

We had visitors at dinner time. It was time for them to leave when our daughter Maureen offered to lead us in prayer;

"Dear God, I thank you for giving me such lovable parents,

Thank you for the visitors and their children who ate all my cookies and

ice cream. Bless them so that they shall never have to come to our home for supper. Forgive the boy who was wrestling with my sister on her bed and this naughty girl for eating sausage on my brother?s pants as he slept on the settee, and this winter please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies in Daddy's Cell phone, & build shelter to the homeless men who sleep with mum when dad is at work ..?Amen.

Tell me ur view.

The dictionary has not been able to fully explain the meaning of the words Complete and Finished.
While some say both mean the same thing, others insist they mean different things. For example.
When you marry the right person, you are complete.
When you marry the wrong person, you are finished.
When the right person hooked with the wrong person, you are completely finished.

Tell me ur view.

ITS OKAY STOP LAFFING

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally,the other man said:You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. "Later my father married my step daughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also,my wif...e became mother in-law of her father-in-law..Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. "This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm My own grandfather! And you think you have family problems!" What problems could be more than these.

ITS OKAY STOP LAFFING

Computer Addict's Prayer.

Computer Addict's Prayer.

The Lord is my programmer I shall not Crash. He installed the Software on the Hard Disk of my Hearts, All of His Commands are User friendly. His Directory Guides me to the Right Choices for His name Sake. Even though I scroll through the problem of Life, I will Fear no Bugs, for He is my Backup. His password protects me. He prepares a Menu before me in the presence of my Enemies. His help is only a keystroke away. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my Life, And my file will be Merged with his and saved forever. amen

Funny story

3 friends shared the same hotel room and are going to the hotel room on the 100th floor. The lift was not working so they decided to take the stairs. To make it easier for them, they decided to tell a story each. TOBE stated and told an action story up to the 50th floor. JOHN was the 2nd. He told a funny story up to the 99th floor. They were still laughing when EMEKA told his own part of sentimental story that made all of them break down in tears! The story was so short and so touching! "I forgot the room key in the car.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

! A story is told about a soldier who was coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents. "Mum and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favour to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me" "Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him." "There's something you should know about him, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come and live with us." "I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live." "No, Mum and Dad, I want him to live with us." "Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the local police department. Their son had died after falling from a building; they were told they believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror and amazement, their son had only one arm and one leg.The parent in this story reflects us in many ways. We find it easy to love those who are good looking, fun to be with but most times we don't all like people who inconvenience us in our comfort zones. Some people would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful or smart as we are. Our prayer this week is that God will give us the strength to accept people as they are, and help us to be more understanding of those who are different from us! There is a miracle called Friendship which dwells in our hearts. The gift of Friendship that loves unconditional.

Funny story

A driver was going to drop his boss @ d airport,d boss noticed he 4got an important documnt @ home & went back,at home,his wife was bathing with soap on her face,the husband tip-toed & touched her boobs,the wife responded,Mike,u don drop my yeye husband so soon?relax now,don't rush,we hav d whole weekend 2 spend 2geda,she noticed Mike was quiet,she washed her face & saw her husband. What will u do if u are d husband?

Funny story

A boy was teaching a girl maths....He kissed her &then kissed her again &said, this is addition.... ... Then the girl kissed him back & said, this is subtraction. Then they kissed each other &said, this is multiplication. Suddenly the girl's dad came &beat the boy up, threw him away & said this is called DIVISION

Funny story

A pastor rears chicken in d church premises, so 1 evnin a cock went missn. In d church d nxt day d pastor asked "who has a cock?" All d men got up.. No, I mean who has seen a cock? All d women got up.. No, No, I mean who has seen a cock dat isn't theirs?? Half of d women got up, "oh for gudnes sake!! Who has seen my cock??? All d choir girls got up!!!

Funny story

“Hello”
“Hi, honey.This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”
“No Daddy”. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul”
After a brief pause,
Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul”
“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now”
Brief pause.
“Uh,okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the compound”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
“I did it Daddy”
“And what happened honey” he asked.
“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all”
“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul”
“He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too.
“He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it..
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”
****Long pause*****
****Longer pause*****
****Even longer pause*****
Then Daddy says,”Swimming pool?”……………Is this 234-2775455
Little girl…..No
Daddy: Sorry my dear, I must have dialed a wrong number

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:
"Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair
remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have
really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they
will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under
your cassock?"

"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not
lie."

"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask
you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented
himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to
declare?"

"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my
son",he replied.

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the
sash down, what do you have?"

The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument
designed for use by women, but which has never been used."

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father.
Next!"

An elderly lady was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening.She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc.The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names'.The elderly lady hung her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old donkey what his name is.

Color of Love

LAUGH

Funny Kiss

Friday

f

Car House

Arsenal

Arsenal

Funny Head

Funny Flower

FORGIVE & FORGET

MUST READ:::: This story is about two best friends who were walking in the desert... During some point of the journey, the had an argument, and one friend hit the other. The one who got hit was hurt, but without saying anything she wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND HIT ME". They kept on walking until they found an oasis, were they decided to take a bath. The one who had been hit got stuck in the mire and started drowning but her best friend saved her. After recovering from the near drowning, she wrote on a stone: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE". The friend who had hit and saved her best friend asked her, "after I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now you wrote on a stone, why?" The other friend replied, "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it but when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, so no wind can ever erase it.' ~If you can't forget, at least forgive.    

BEG FOR LOVE

LAUGH

woman

God is Able

Pain Solution

Weeding ring

Run Away Husband.